It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday

My GBFF, Devin, leaves tomorrow morning for New York. Devin and I have been inseparably close since we first met at the beginning of College in 2006.  He has been my closest friend for the past 4 years (well until my husband came along).  He's the Will to my Grace.

Devin and me (8 months pregnant) on my birthday last year.

And now, he's moving away.  Continuing the dream that we had both shared.  When I first met Devin we talked about moving to New York after graduation to pursue careers in Magazines.  I wanted to work for Vanity Fair, he was going to work for Entertainment Weekly.  We could live together and enjoy the awesomeness that is New York: fashion, food, broadway, etc.

But instead, I'm living the suburban housewife life in Chandler, AZ.  I love my husband and daughter, and I don't have any regrets about how my life has gone, but part of me does wish I could have spent sometime in New York.

I went out with Devin on Saturday, our last night out together on Mill. It was not just a last hurrah with Devin it was also a last hurrah to my going-out life.  I've only been out in Tempe a few nights, something a tad unusual for an ASU student.

I was pregnant on my 21st birthday, and I felt too guilty leaving my daughter to ever go out.  This past Saturday was only my third time on Mill.  Even so I could tell that it would more than likely be my last, at least for awhile.

Leaving my husband to go out is not something I enjoy doing.  And going out to bars and clubs is not something my husband likes doing.  Now that I live in Chandler, going out to Tempe or Scottsdale is not only too far a drive it seems a bit immature.

So, this may be more than a goodbye to my best friend, this might also be a final farewell to the old me.  Does that mean I'm fully going to transform into the everyday soccer mom? Heck no! But maybe clubbing isn't part of who I am anymore.  Maybe it was never part of who I was.  Maybe my nights out are meant for something more.

I don't know what that might be, but I'm definitely open to it.